A few jokes for ya...

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A few jokes for ya...

Postby dirtbikediva » Tue Mar 20, 2007 1:17 pm

Here's a bunch of jokes about Campbelltown in Western Sydney...

Q. Two Campbelltownites jump off a cliff. Who wins?
A. Society.

Q. What does a Campbelltown girl use as protection during sex?
A. A Bus shelter.

Q. What do you call a Campbelltown Boy in a suit?
A. The defendant.

Q. Why did the Campbelltownite cross the road?
A. To start a fight, with a complete stranger, for no reason whatsoever.

Q. What do you call a Campbelltown girl in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.

Q. If you are driving and you see a Bloke from Campbelltown on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.

Q. What's the first question during a Campbelltown quiz night?
A. What you looking at?

Q. Two Campbelltown Blokes in a car without any music - who is driving?
A. The policeman!

Q. What do you say to a Campbelltownite with a job?
A. A Big Mac please.

Q. What's the difference between a Campbelltown boy and a Campbelltown girl?
A. A Campbelltown girl has a higher sperm count.
~ Does this rag smell like chloroform? ~
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Postby JB » Tue Mar 20, 2007 5:16 pm

this is a long shot, but do you have something against the ppl from that area :lol: :P

what gets longer when pulled, fits between your breasts, inserts neatly in a hole and works best when jerked?

a seatbelt you pervert, buckle up. :lol:
one day i will think of something smart to put here
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Postby el sammo » Tue Mar 20, 2007 9:52 pm

Bwahahaha gold!
Get beers or die tryin

www.myspace.com/sammyk101
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Postby mike_rock » Wed Mar 21, 2007 8:33 am

LMAO... glad I'm not from Campbelltown!! :P
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HeHeHe...

Postby dirtbikediva » Wed Mar 21, 2007 9:30 am

Hmmm... I never really thought of my seatbelt in that way :lol:
~ Does this rag smell like chloroform? ~
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And here's another one...

Postby dirtbikediva » Wed Mar 21, 2007 11:45 am

Hehehe... I can't help it - just found this one:
CAMPBELLTOWN HURRICANE APPEAL

A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit Campbelltown in the early hours of Friday with it's epicentre in Queen Street, Campbelltown. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".

The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately $30.00 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Minto Riots were damaged beyond repair.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their centrelink cheques arrived.

The Illawarra Mercury reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Campbelltown.

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running in to my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Kevin and Jason slept through it all."

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.
The Australian Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Bacardi-Breezers to the area to help the stricken locals.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including Health Care Cards, Jewellery from Kmart, and Bone China from Big W.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

Donations of $15.00 will be taken to buy a packet of winny blue 25s and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

**Breaking news**

Campbelltown Uniting Church has cancelled their local "Nativity Display" due to their inability to find three wise men or a virgin!
~ Does this rag smell like chloroform? ~
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34 THINGS YOU REALLY SHOULD DO WHEN ORDERING YOUR NEXT PIZZA

Postby dirtbikediva » Wed Mar 21, 2007 12:10 pm

34 THINGS YOU REALLY SHOULD DO WHEN ORDERING YOUR NEXT PIZZA...

1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a chargecard name. Ask if they accept it.
3. Use CB lingo where applicable.
4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
6. Answer their questions with questions.
7. In your breathiest voice, tell them to forget about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
8. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
9. Ask what the order taker is wearing.
10. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
11. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.
12. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
13. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
14. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say, ``OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window.''
15. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
16. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream good-bye at the top of your lungs.
17. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
18. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
19. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
20. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say, ``Where was I? Who are you?''
21. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
22. Act like you're ringing the police. Report a petty theft.
23. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, ``I shall not be swayed by your sweet words.''
24. Start the conversation with ``My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and...Action!''
25. Be vague in your order.
26. When they repeat your order, say, ``Again, with a little more OOMPH this time.''
27. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, ``This may be my last entry.''
28. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.
29. Ask if they're familiar with the term ``spanking a pizza.'' Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
30. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say, ``No mushrooms, please.'' Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
31. Order a one-inch pizza.
32. Dance all around the word ``pizza''. Avoid saying it at all costs. If s/he says it, say, ``Please don't mention that word.''
33. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell ``OW!'' when a bullet is fired.
34. Order a steamed pizza.
~ Does this rag smell like chloroform? ~
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Postby JB » Wed Mar 21, 2007 4:12 pm

thats one hell of an effort to order a pizza :shock: :lol:
one day i will think of something smart to put here
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